The word “conflict” comes from the Latin “conflictus” and means a collision of the oppositely directed aims, interests, positions, opinions or views of the opponents or the subjects of interaction. Conflict is a serious discord, a debate that may even mean a contention between the members of a conflict. The paper describes a situation that took place in a young family of two members because the husband spent too much time in bars with another woman while his wife was at home alone.
The main features of a conflict are as follows. First, it is the ability to turn into a stressful situation that distorts the mentality of a couple. It can be characterized by a feeling of hostility, aloofness, and negativism in the relations and it is caused by the incompatibility of interests, views or needs. The second feature is the aggravation of negative emotions, their self-development. Due to a conflictual situation, a person may trace the negative sides of a personality that were hidden behind the outwardly positive forms of behavior, for example, a feeling of rage. Finally, when growing, a conflict always causes the exinanition, a mental state, when everything except for the collision seems to be insignificant.
The following conflictual situation took place in a family of two people who recently started living together. The man worked as a freelancer at home all day long. In the evening, when his wife came back from work, he tried to chat a little to relax. However, it did not help. The husband decided to go to the cinema but he wanted to go there alone. He told his wife about that, and she agreed. The man was happy that it had passed so easily and went to the cinema.
In one cinema, there was nothing interesting to watch, and the man decided to go to another one. There, the same situation took place. The man almost decided to go home but then he decided to visit a bar. There, he met an old friend of his, and spend the entire evening with her, talking and joking. Then, they met some other people, moved to another bar, and had a drink there.
The man came back home at 2:30. His wife went out of the bedroom, gave him a reproaching look, and asked whether he knew what time it was then. The man looked at his watch, smiled, and asked whether he could kiss her. The wife asked where he had been, and what he did.
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Suddenly, the man recollected that once, when he was talking to another woman at a party, his wife started to behave jealously and spoiled the evening. Therefore, he decided not to tell her anything about the wonderful meeting and asked if they could to talk the next day.
In reply, the wife started to look angrily, and the tears appeared in her eyes. She showed that she felt miserable. Not wanting to feel guilty, the man decided not to pay attention to her tears and to go to bed. The woman’s misery did not allow him to feel happy. She asked him to talk on the same evening, but he refused. The woman started crying. Her cry did not let the man sleep, and the evening was completely ruined. In the morning, he continued sleeping when his wife went to work.
The main reason of conflict is the difference between the expectations of the wife and the actions of the husband. The woman expected that the man would come back home in two or three hours. However, he came back home in six hours. She felt lonely at home and needed to talk to her husband and to hug him. She wanted to go to the cinema too and to have a good time together. She had a difficult working day and she needed to relax as well.
On the other hand, the woman had no right to control her husband. She could not prohibit him to go somewhere or to force him to stay at home. The woman could go to relax somewhere else and not force her husband to feel guilty because she had stayed at home. Even in a marriage, people cannot limit the personal freedom of each other.
At the same time, the woman could not feel that her husband loved her. She wanted him to call her that day, but he did not do it. Later, he went away and spent time with another woman. From the point of view of the husband, the fact that he had stayed at home all day long caused him to feel like staying in a cage. He wanted to feel free at least for several hours. In the end, he came back home. In his opinion, it meant that if he had wanted to stay with another woman, he would have spent all the night with her, but he came back home to see his wife. He came back home in a good mood, feeling free again and wanted to share his mood with the wife, but she was angry. In the end, he did not feel happy as well.
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The mentioned situation has all the features of a conflict. The mentality of the couple was changed. The woman had a strong feeling of sadness that made her cry, and the man felt angry because he was forced to feel guilty. The negative emotions of both partners were aggravated, so they could hardly control them. The exinanition caused by the conflict did not allow either the man or the woman to think about anything else but the situation.
This conflict shows egoism of both partners. They do not take into account the feelings of each other, but each of them thinks only about his or her needs. In the future, if this conflict is not solved, it may be aggravated and may cause a serious discord in the family.